Take Me To The Other Side

Can somebody please explain to me why kids stopped dancing at all ages shows? Does it have something to do with the invention of the iphone? Seriously. If I wanted to be around a bunch of socially uptight stiffs, I would have stayed on the other side with the drinks and the grownups. I left my people and MY whiskey behind because I was counting on you kids to dance. That’s the only reason us grown ups have things like all ages shows. We let you in because your enthusiasm is contagious. When did you lose your contagious enthusiasm? Why are you all standing there — creeping me out with your back acne and complicated cell phone devices?  Do you know how annoying that is? Do you know how much it sucks to be in a band and gaze at an audience of camera phones? Is this the future? I know your stupid phones are your eyes but do they have to be your brains as well? Not meaning to sound like the bitter geriatric elephant in the room BUT back in my day, kids danced. We danced and made eyes with each other and got dirty. Do kids even make eyes with each other anymore? Do you just text your eyes to the person across the room? I’m a little confused. Oh, and while I’m at it — don’t think for one second that you’re going to push your way in front of me  so you can take ANOTHER picture. Not going to happen. I’m a professional and I know every move to obstruct you. You see this? I’m a head banging Mick Jagger who just got their “Crunk Dancing For Beginners” DVD in the mail. I’ve been waiting all week to practice my sick moves. Unless your chubby arm is challenging me to a dance off, get it away from my fucking head. You already have enough pictures for your Facebook page. We get it. You went to a show… AND DIDN’T DANCE! And another thing, why are all of you so desperately out of shape? I’m an older person wearing heals. You guys are nubile, wearing flip flops, and acting put out by the effort involved in standing. You know, you wouldn’t have to shift your weight on each leg so much if your legs were in a perpetual state of movement called “DANCE.”

Man, you’re all a bunch of pillows. PILLOWS!

To all those teenagers that still make shows fun, I salute you.  As for the rest of you…