Your Cake Could Be A Little Gayer.

When I was a little girl, my first fight with a friend was about religion.  We were both playing on the swing set and she told me that her religion was right and that mine was wrong.  Not understanding the differences (her family were Christian and mine were Catholic) I argued that they were the same.  Who was she kidding? We both had to go to church every Sunday. We both had to read the Bible.  We both had mangers in our living rooms during Christmas  and Jesus paraphernalia on the walls.  Both of us knew that you shouldn’t kill or steal or be a jerk.  They just had different names is all. Seriously.  Potato, potawto, tomato,   tomawto...  Ugh.  She wouldn’t hear of it.  I ended up running back home to ask my parents who was right.  After my mother carefully explained the differences, I was left feeling even more bewildered than before.  The differences didn’t make a whole lot of sense to me. Why was my friend so sure of herself? From what I understood, as long as you were a decent person,  it didn’t matter what you called yourself. What was my friend’s problem?  Why did she think that she was a better person than I because of her religion? That girl was a spoiled brat that never shared.  I was generous and polite.  Was religion really that important? Were mean people just using it because it was the only way they could get into heaven? This was a lot to mull over.  I had an existential meltdown. There were just too many cooks in Kitchen Jesus.  Just because their cake recipe had a little more vanilla in it didn’t change the taste that much.  It’s still cake.  Put some damn frosting on it and shut up already.  While you’re at it, it wouldn’t hurt to try that yummy raspberry tart the Buddhists are whipping up next door.

Look at how well fed and hapy he is? That tart must taste AMAZING! YUM!

From that point on,  I had my doubts about religion. My mother tried her best to raise my brother and I as Catholics but I didn’t like the flavor of it.  Church was a joyless experience.  Confession was an even bigger deal breaker because I didn’t have a whole lot to confess about.  Umm, I was 8.  I found myself having to lie about sins I thought an 8 year old would commit.  Seriously, people. What kind of trouble do  8 year old’s get in? Why would a child go to hell? What does the rosary have to do with that? Who wrote this stuff? Maybe I want to try a different recipe.  This cakes sucks.  I keep getting grief chunks stuck in my teeth.

What does your cake taste like?

When I was old enough to be given the choice about church, I chose not to go.  That was a no-brainer.  I’ll always love my mother for not forcing the issue on me.  In return, I’ve kept my mouth shut and tried my best to respect her beliefs. Generally we see eye to eye on most things.  She’s a liberal and a good person.  We do have one fight.  A big one. It’s a fight I’m very passionate about because it affects some of the people I love the most.  We fight about gay marriage. Every year. Almost always on Christmas.  Like Baileys and stomach ulcers, it’s a Christmas tradition.

Don’t get me wrong. My mother is not homophobic.  Like most older women, she thinks gay men are faaaaaaaaaabuloussssssssssss. She has no problem with people of the same sex having civil unions.  She just doesn’t want them using the term “marriage.”  She suggested the term “gayriage” as an alternative.  “Just not marriage.  Marriage is sacred. “

Sacred Marriage.

Rully? Are you kidding me? The concept of  marriage predates religion and political institutions. Catholics, Christians, Mormons, Muslims, WHATEVAH did not copyright marriage. Why are so many of them imposing their religious beliefs on everybody else? Atheists get married. Satanists get married. Scientologists get married. Agnostics get married.  Pagans and Wiccans get married. Lots of people with different belief systems do it every day – for various reasons – and they don’t have special names for it. Can we PULLEEEEEEZ leave chromosomes and your religion out of the debate?

Dear Supporters of Prop 8,

What legally makes straight people different from gay people? Was Prop 8  necessary? Are you that insecure? How did my gay friends and their gay friends’ big gay weddings in California harm any of your “sacred” heterosexual marriages? Seriously. What laws were being broken? Were you at those weddings? Did you see the love? The history? The joy? The chemistry?  Were you there when that joy was taken away from them? Are you going to explain to their kids why their love doesn’t count as much as your love? Why you think you’re a better parent? Are you going to explain to them why your definition of God is better?  Good luck with that.

Are you going to stop in California? It’s a big world, people. America didn’t copyright marriage. Does your God know that gays have been getting married in the Netherlands since 2001?  Has that harmed you? Did it make your marriage less valid?  Do you want to take the fight over there, too?  How about Canada? The Canadian Cabinet changed their definition of marriage in 2003.  It currently views marriage as a way to “publicly recognize a committed relationship between two adults. “

Two adults.

Very simple.  Is that definition too wild for you? Is it ruining the family dynamic? Does dinner taste different?  Is your life in danger?  Is your husband/wife going to divorce you?

What about transgender people? What about hermaphrodites? Will your God let them get married?

You know, gay people kiss each other. They kiss each other the exact same way you hetero folks kiss.  I would know.  Is that taking something away from your make-out sessions?  Is kissing less sacred now? Should it be called gay kissing?  You guys wanna whip up some Proposition to take that right away?

How about love? Do you have the copyright for that?

Mayor Newsom marries Lesbian activists Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin,
who have been together over 50 years. June 2008.

These ladies and I didn’t think so.

You can watch all of the California Supreme Court Proposition 8 Oral Arguments here.